“My house is a shambles at the moment. Boxes of ornaments, candles and Christmas figurines are scattered about while strings of multi-colored lights are draped over chair backs and tables. Surveying the chaos yesterday I began to wish that I could get all the holiday decorating done in one quick furious day and leave all the clutter behind. But then I caught sight of a tissue wrapped ornament and time stood still. I gently removed the tissue and looked at the tiny tulle-skirted ballerina. She was bought for me by my mother when I was only four years old. A little handmade thing consisting of a wooden ball, netting and pipe cleaners, she has been lovingly placed on a Christmas tree every year since. Looking at her made me pause to think of the Christmases past carefully tucked in all those boxes around me.
Like the hand knit stocking from 1952 that has been hung every Christmas Eve in continued hope that Santa will fill it; the first ornaments purchased when I was a young bride of 22; and then from more recent Christmases, the handmade ornaments given to me from my daughters: gilded macaroni noodles on juice can lids, a Santa bell made from a plastic cup, a candle made of cardboard tubing, wrapping paper and foil. And even more recently, an ornament marking the first Christmas Jim and I spent as husband and wife, now already 23 years old.
Pretty soon I was standing amidst so many ghosts of Christmas past that I couldn’t keep the tears from flowing. It’s a funny thing about Christmas. It’s played such an emotional role in the lives of so many of us, that sometimes we don’t know how to react. We are flooded with memories and though many of them are wonderful memories, good and tender moments in our lives, we are brought to tears because the memories are now just that—memories.
It is a pivotal moment when we realize that to be blessed with many happy Christmases means we must also face these ghosts of Christmas Past, the ghosts that remind us that life changes, life moves on and sometimes people leave us.
I treasure these ghosts of my past even though their memories can be bittersweet. I am grateful for every Christmas spent with my parents and brothers. Every Christmas graced with the presence of my daughters was a joy. Every Christmas and Hanukkah spent with Jim and his children added a new dimension to my life. And now with grandchildren galore, Christmas Present is one glorious chaotic moment after another. I treasure them all.
So if the ghosts of Christmas Past bring a tear to my Christmas Present, it is a tear I am willing to shed for each new Christmas Present that I am able to share with my grandchildren is the greatest joy of all - and the beginning of many new Christmas Past memories.
